Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay Contest

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

A dark day for us all

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Well alot has been happening recently it is a very exciting time,
First of all Romero and Britany are leaving the drama group, leaving a void in all of our hearts. I wish them the best.

Daniel has been sick reciently (Again) he is not a well boy most of the time. He looks like he has lost a lot of weight, not because he is sick, but because he is becoming threteneningly close to my height. He's a late bloomer but now he looks kind of lankey. Just give it time.

Yesterday I had a good day with my dad. We went to watch the movie "Sin City", At first I thought "This is one of those underground crime vigulante justice films" well I was pressured to come along but it turned out be really good. It was very artistic and the writing was very good. The cinematography was fantastic. But dont take my word for it, look at this review that I coppied and pasted.
City Movie Review: Blood, brawn and babes.
These are the three main factors in the world that is Frank Miller’s Sin City. Based on the long-running graphic novel series, the film version sculpts together three of the more popular stories of the mature-themed serial.
The film opens as we find John Hartigan (Bruce Willis), a detective on his last legs trying to save a young girl from a vicious sexual predator. Then the film begins to tell three self-contained stories of life in Sin City. The first stars Marv (Mickey Rourke), a brutish hard-boiled man who is framed for the murder of a lusty prostitute (Jamie King). The second finds Dwight (Clive Owen), having to protect Gail (Rosario Dawson) and her band of prostitutes when an influential figure (Benicio Del Toro) is slain in their sliver of Sin City. The third and final story returns us to Hartigan, who now has one last mission which will bring all the pieces of his story together and landing Hartigan face to face with the Yellow Bastard (Nick Stahl), himself.
The film’s detailed style of direction, temperature, voice and execution is deafening to the viewer. There is so much to look at in this film you seem to suffer from sensory-overload and then eventual boredom. Come on, you can only be pelted in the eyes with style for so long before you have to look away.
The film’s world is sort of a hodge-podge of gritty crime noir and blood-soaked barbarian conquest where women and sex are the final reward. The treatment of women and their place in this world is utterly preposterous it can only described as a juvenile delinquent’s wet dream. In some ways, I guess, that is what “pulp fiction” is.
If you look back at the evolution of the “pulp” story where you have testosterone laden figures like Robert E Howard’s Conan, Edgar Rice Burroughs’s Tarzan, Mickey Spillane’s Mike Hammer and of course cinematic serial hero, Flash Gordon. Their worlds were all vastly different but the hero was always portrayed as the same as he slew the bad guy and won the heart of the well-endowed female love interest.
“Sin City” in its purest form is this basically except the innocence, if you will, of pulp has been hi-jacked by the blood, gore and overt sexuality of our hardened world today. The best way to describe this new version is that its “pulp noir on crack cocaine”.
My favorite character in the entire piece is the tour-de-force performance from harden actor Mickey Rourke. He was born to play that character and we can see why because he is utterly brilliant. You can say that his prosthetic nose in this film was as lucky for him as the prosthetic nose was for Nicole Kidman in “The Hours”. I loved every moment that he was on screen.
I also really enjoyed Bruce Willis who seems to be a lot softer version of the typical male in this blood-soaked world. Willis seemed to be the only approachable character in the film.
Clive Owen is always brilliant and once more he proves it with his performance as Dwight. I did feel that his story in the film was the weakest of the bunch, however. I also never for a second bought Rosario Dawson as the prostitute queen.
Another main problem I had with the film and its three stories is that the script or story itself isn’t that powerful or ground-breaking. I guess this does go back to the tone of the “pulp” stories but because the film is so heavy on style you kind of wanted something with depth or meaning beneath. Then again maybe you didn’t.
I really wanted to enjoy “Sin City” but since it beat me into a “sensory-overloaded coma” I found myself wanting to return to normal life just for a breather.
It is an amazing film if you buy into the concept and get sucked into the film’s world instantaneously. If you stop to think for one second, the social commentary on-screen is mind blowing. If you stop for two seconds then you will know all about my coma. Mercy, mercy, I give up!! So Says the Soothsayer.

However this movie does proove the theory that heros and protagonist are induistructible untill the figure their time is up and decide to die. Even commit suicide at one point.

I am about to hire the agent and have a photo shoot next Saturday. I look forwared to the results. Sexy results perhaps?

Project SYN is comming together, Layla, Erin and I are comming together to construct a show on SYN 90.7FM. The show is in its conceptual stage and the ideas are just flowing. Here are the ideas so far.

• The show will be called "the depths of the mind"
• The show will consist of light banter and rock
• We should have a weekly radio play. Along the lines of "Captain Crunch: Space adventurer" It sould be off the wall comedy.
• The intio to the show might concist of several peices of music put together like a person flipping stations. Possible things include, Umpaloompa song, Offspring, Simple Plan Ect.
• Devoted to playing the crap churded out by garrage bands.

Good luck and peace out!

An Idea

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

For the 40 famine (That I do every year) I have decided to spend forty hours without levity. Ie, I must be dull and boring (Absolutley no jokes for 40 hours). This will be worse than not talking.

In relation to my last post. This is sort of a visual representation of how I felt:
Well here I am, back in the library. I'm Bulldozer mode, If anyone gets in my way they are going to have to recieve my wrath. I guess it is time to venta little steam.

It began periods 5&6 in my Extra class "Chef in the making". We recieved the orders for the days class and we set off to do them. We were doing knife handeling skills to make a soup, easy enough right (WRONG!!!!!). Now I am the first one to admit that I am not the best person with my hands, like how I cant paint well, or carve a piece of wood, and I know that my slicing and dicing isnt all its cracked up to be and I know the teacher was just trying to be nice, but she didn't have to treat me like some special case. I swear I had a little less controll, the language in the air would not have wholsome family goodness. I know that I'm crap, She of said so, she didnt even have to pass me. It would of been a hell of alot more dignifying if she were to say "Crap, try again".

That is not where it ends. It is this sort of thing that peels away my masks. I have many a mask: a mask of levity, a mask of sincerity for example. And when all that is gone, all i have left if an angry lownley apathetic person. I dont like what's left. However I do feel that he is a part of me. I have (inpart) left the group I usally hang out with at lunch and decided to go with Taylors' group. However they dont seem to receptive of me, I could go back to the old group, or be alone.
Any way, when the masks are gone I think bad things, things that are not filled with wholesome family goodness, Things that I regret ever comming into my head.

Also I am in conflict with who I am, who I want to be. If your out there talk to me, tell me how you feel to me, I need to hear it. Now I'm going to look within myself and find some awnsers to questions that have been troubeling me for a long time now.

Now I have some crappy animation expo to go to bacause that is what he's into at the moment. Homefully this will make me feelbetter.

Next time you see me, give me a hug!

Jack What a few days it's been, Schools back in session so lets begin our lesson.
The night taylor stayed the night whent very well. We talked and got to know alot more about eachother. Then we watched some footage about the tragedy in Brittan (Yes, it's about that time of year isn't it). After sleeping in he went home.

if you have been reading Psyche on that for a while, you'd know I'm looking for a job. While submitting resumes online I sent one to a talent agancy. They called me, and after a standard process I am now part of their tallent. All I need is a pro photo shoot.

Schools about to start. It's "Fabulous Fast Foods" first. This should be interesting.

Wish me luck, curse me if you will, but never ignore me!

A desperately bleak situation

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Well days have passed and I have been out and about doing things. Yesterday I want on a pleasant family BBQ down to the lake and tonight Taylors coming over to stay the night. We are having vindaloo with poppadoms.

Right now I'm speaking to Carla right now and we're batteling it out to be the ultimate simpsons quote master. She also just got a job at swankey la di da Domino's. I wish her the best of luck in the future, and I hope it opens a lot of doors in the future.

Me, I'm just handin out resumes to places I'd like to work. I figure if you work at somewhere you enjoy it doesn't matter if you don't get paid so much. I also shoud be studying hard, so I dont want to wase my brain on stuff that I dont enjoy. I might also hire an agent.

Not much more to say, PSYCHE OUT!

Word Scramble

Monday, July 04, 2005

These will make you go Hmmmmm:

GEORGE BUSH : When you rearrange the letters : HE BUGS GORE

DORMITORY : : DIRTY ROOM

EVANGELIST : : EVIL'S AGENT

PRESBYTERIAN : : BEST IN PRAYER

DESPERATION : : A ROPE ENDS IT

THE MORSE CODE : : HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES : : CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY : : IS NO AMITY

MOTHER-IN-LAW : : WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS : : ALAS! NO MORE Z'S

A DECIMAL POINT : : I ' M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES : : THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO : : TWELVE PLUS ONE

And for the! Grand finale: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA : : TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS What can I say about the events that followed. Not much.

Well anyway Daniel came around and the New LCD screen TV I won of Triple M (last school holidays) arrived. Might I say WHAT PICTURE, however I feel troubled.

On Saturday I went to see 'Batman Begins' With Matt, Emily and Robert. It was a good movie, riddled with flaws but still good. Batman wonders why the police hate him, it's because he destoys millions of dollars worth of city property while driving his Tank/Batmobile.

Over the part few days I have been playing Final Fantasy X-2 on the PS2. It's a very good game. The plot is pretty much 3 scandalously clad chicks go round Spira doing missions. Its sort of like charlies angels only its a fantasy setting and there is magic involved.

Taylor was going to stay the night on Monday, now rescheduled for Thursday. Mmmmm I can taste that Vindaloo now.

Taylor, I'm sorry for disturbing your family with the phone calls, but with you workin and the circumstances changen it took more than one call.

Hope to see lots of pictures when I see you all next. Bye

Cheerio